Stop Trying To Communicate - Do This Instead!

3 Mindset Shifts For a Healthy Relationship

We all know that good communication is vital to a healthy relationship. Communication is the number one buzzword surrounding relationships. And when it comes to communication in romantic relationships, there is so much advice out there it can be overwhelming. 

Communication is hard 

Despite there being so much on how to improve communication, it is still a problem for so many couples. So why is communication so hard? We are focusing too much on the goal of “communicating well”. What we think of as good communication is really just an abstract idea. Rather than getting stuck on what to say, instead, work to change how you approach your partner, and relationship altogether. 

Change Your Mindset 

The way we think about our relationship and our partner is important. As our relationship develops, we establish beliefs about ourselves, our partner, and the relationship as a whole. In turn, these beliefs affect the way we act inside the relationship. 

3 Mindset Shifts

It’s not about the dishes 

Do you seem to be fighting over silly, simple things like doing the dishes or taking out the trash? If you’re feeling enraged over dishes, it’s not because you care so much about the dishes. There is a much bigger issue at play - how much you matter to each other. Maybe you’re feeling ignored or disrespected because you asked your partner to help. Tell your partner about these feelings instead of assuming these feelings to be the truth. 

It’s not about who’s right

When you go back and forth debating who was “right”, you miss the more important point, which is the emotional needs of each person. Getting caught in a cyclical fight about who’s to blame doesn’t get you anywhere. Instead, take a moment to put yourself in your partner’s shoes. What does it feel like? Even if you don’t agree, can you still see why their feelings exist?

 It’s not about the many arguments

If you’re arguing a lot, there is probably one (or more) pattern that’s being repeated. The pattern is the problem, as well as the solution. It may seem like a new fight all the time, but really you’re listening to the same song, just a different version.  Look for the common denominator.

It’s About the Feelings 

So, while the structure of communication is important it’s more about what’s underneath: what’s hiding underneath the words, even if you think you’re saying the “right words”. Practicing new mindsets about your partner and your relationship makes communication easier, and it makes the tough times not as tough. Take the four relationship desires quiz to uncover what your needs and feelings are.