How Does Stress Affect a Relationship

You may think you’re keeping your stress to yourself. However, even without telling your partner “I’m stressed” they will likely sense it. Stress is often contagious, and there’s no value in keeping it a secret. Share what you’re going through, and work on managing the stress. If your partner is let in, they’ll be able to help!

Shared Stress

There is something called “secondhand stress, which many parents experience firsthand. There is research proving that even babies know when their parent is stressed. Not only can they detect it but it can be contagious. In fact, a UC San Francisco study found that babies' heart rates increased when they were reunited with their mothers after the mothers completed a stressful task. And if you are a parent, you may know that it’s harder to calm a baby (or child of any age) if you’re stressed.

These are just a few examples of how stress from one person can transfer to another. While we aren’t talking about babies here, stress in adult relationships can be even more powerful. With adults, both people are exposed to endless stressors every day. Stress can be carried over from problems at work or issues with friends or family members. And then there’s marital or relationship stress that’s more likely to affect both people since it’s directed at the other person.

What Does Stress Do to a Relationship?

Stress has detrimental effects on a romantic relationship’s well-being. Research shows that the effects of outside stress on our relationships are far-reaching, and can even change our perception of our partner. Following are some of the ways a relationship is negatively impacted by stress.

Decreases Relationship Fulfillment

Stress is an unwanted addition to a relationship that unsurprisingly decreases the level of satisfaction with said relationship. When stress takes center stage, the couple may feel like the relationship is not providing the joy it once did. Romance and passion have likely taken a hit. And partners may feel more like roommates or coworkers than romantic partners.

Harms Physical and Mental Health

Long-term stress can have real physical and mental health consequences. Stress can create or exasperate conditions such as insomnia, anxiety, depression, high blood pressure, or heart disease. If one partner is experiencing health issues like these due to stress, it’s likely to affect the other partner too. That partner may be worried, anxious, or emotionally exhausted because of their partner’s condition. Now there is less attention available for the relationship itself, and the emotional connection becomes strained.

Creates Feelings of Uncertainty or Insecurity

Whether the stress is related to external things like work or finances, or from internal communication issues or unmet needs, it can create a sense of insecurity in a relationship. A partner could begin to feel uneasy about their future. They might project their fears or anxieties onto the relationship, thus leading to doubts about the stability of the relationship. This insecurity can breed mistrust or make one or both partners feel unstable in their commitment.

Resentment and Long-Term Strain

When stress is ongoing and uncontrolled, resentment can start to grow. One partner may feel that the other is not doing enough to help. Meanwhile, other people may feel they are being unfairly burdened with responsibilities or emotional labor. Over time, this can lead to bitterness and an unequal dynamic, damaging the connection and becoming more and more difficult to repair.

Signs of Stress in a Relationship

Stress can have a significant impact on relationships. Stress often creates small changes in the relationship that may go unnoticed at first. Stress can manifest in a variety of ways. Common signs of stress in a relationship include:

1. Increased Irritability

Small, minor annoyances become magnified, and slight disagreements escalate quickly. Both partners may find themselves snapping at each other more often or becoming easily frustrated.

2. Breakdown in Communication

With stress comes inattention. A stressed partner is distracted and therefore unable to have a meaningful conversation. The conversations that do take place are more surface-level or disconnected. Important topics are avoided, and the other partner feels unheard both literally and figuratively. Misunderstandings may occur more often leading to rising conflict or resentment.

3. Emotional Withdrawal

One or both partners may emotionally shut down or withdraw from the stress in the relationship. It can be blamed on exhaustion, frustration, or feeling generally overwhelmed. This pulling away creates obvious distance. Partners may stop sharing how they are feeling or they may refrain from letting their partner know about their day-to-day going-ons. In other words, they may be less a part of each other’s lives.

4. Reduced Intimacy

Not surprisingly, stress can decrease physical and emotional intimacy. Similar to its effect on communication, distractibility is at play. They have other things on their mind. In addition, partners may feel too tired or overwhelmed to engage in affection, physical intimacy, emotional intimacy, or quality time together.

5. Increased Conflict or Arguments

Stress often leads to increased conflict, either over trivial matters or deeper issues. The constant tension can create a cycle of unresolved arguments, which may leave both partners feeling stuck, alone, or resentful.

6. Lack of Support

One or both partners may stop offering the usual emotional or practical support. Stress might make one person feel like they’re handling everything alone, leading to feelings of isolation within the relationship.

Again, stress is a distraction, and it can cause the person to be less present or unintentionally selfish. For example, they may miss their partner’s attempts at connection or not see that their partner is going through a hard time and needs support. This can cause frustration or a sense of imbalance.

7. Health Impacts

Chronic stress can lead to physical symptoms like fatigue, and headaches. Stress is a big contributor to mental health issues such as anxiety and depression. When one partner is struggling due to stress, it can be difficult for both partners to maintain their usual roles within the relationship.

How to Overcome Stress in a Relationship

You may not be able to eliminate stress but you can manage it in healthy ways that won’t wreak havoc on your relationship, not to mention your own health!

Make Room for Open Communication:

Sharing your stressors with each other can foster understanding and empathy. It also helps partners support each other during difficult times. If you’re the one experiencing stress, be direct with your partner about what you need.

Reflect On Your Stress:

Think about where your stress is coming from (if it’s not obvious). Think about how the stress is manifesting in your life. What behaviors are a result of your stress? Examples may include overeating, undereating, drinking more, and irritability.

Now reflect on whether you’ve been taking it on your partner, as is often the case. Chances are at least one argument or missed connection can be tied to the stress you’ve been carrying. We tend to use the people or persons closest to us as a punching bag when going through time times. A hard day at work may mean being snappy or distant with our partner, for example.

Practice Stress-Relief Strategies:

Engaging in stress-reducing activities like exercise, journaling, meditation, or even hobbies you enjoy, can help to manage stress. You could also try these strategies with your partner. Not only will it make you feel better, but it can boost your connection to one another.

Set Healthy Boundaries:

Sometimes, stress comes from overcommitting yourself. Learning to say no keeps you from feeling overwhelmed. You may need to practice saying no to your partner. Time to yourself is not just healthy, it’s necessary. Personal space helps relieve tension. Time alone can help you know yourself better and improve resilience, a skill needed to manage stress.

Seek Outside Help:

Stress is extremely common, but it’s how it’s dealt with that matters. If stress becomes chronic and starts to seriously affect the relationship, seeking help from a therapist (individually) or couples counselor (together) can provide tools and strategies to cope. Working with a professional you can address communication issues, reduce tension, and rebuild trust and connection with your partner.